Hopeful for 2012

Last week we took Jacob in for an HLA typing confirmation draw and also a cheek swab to see what his DNA looks like. Although Jacob's HLA typing was already done from his first transplant (this is what doctors use to determine who would be a good bone marrow donor match), they always have to confirm it again before initiating a new search, just to be 100% sure. The cheek swabs were something new. The nurse commented that she felt like she was on CSI as she performed the swabs. The reason for them is because even though Jacob rejected his first graft, he still may have some lingering donor cells in his body, slightly changing his DNA, which would be important for his transplant team to be aware of. For now, we wait to hear if a suitable donor (hopefully a PERFECTLY matched donor) is found.

As I think upon this new year, I have mixed feelings of hope and fear.

Hope that THIS is going to be the year that Jacob is cured and that by the end of the year he will be recovering from his BMT. Hope that we will someday resume a "normal" family life. Hope that we will be able to give Jacob a full life, filled with rich experiences.

Fear of moving away from my home, husband, Ethan, and extended family members. Fear that the procedure won't work. And fear, that it may cause so much damage to Jacob, that in the end, we will lose this battle.

Last year at the same time, I had similar feelings and thought for sure by 2012 things would be resolved. Here we are again, starting from scratch. As a wise friend of mine taught in church yesterday, "it is better to look up." I'm going to take that to heart and focus on the hopeful aspects that could come of this year. In the grand scale of things, this will be but a small moment in time.